February 1958
"You should show him around the farm," Cindy said to Terry.
"It's dark," Terry said.
Cindy pointed to the window. "Not yet, it isn't. Just take him around. Show him a tractor, or something."
We were sitting in the kitchen of Terry's house on a Saturday evening. For most of the day Cindy and Terry had been preparing certificates and small bibles to hand out in the next day's Sunday school sessions. Some of the children were moving up to the next grade, and Cindy thought it was important that those children be rewarded and recognized. Cindy had once again succeeded in dragging me along with her as she and Terry fulfilled their churchly obligations. I had wanted to stay home, to wander through fresh snow that had fallen the previous day. The two of them had finished typing and signing the certificates, attaching each to a certificate rolled into a small scroll.
Terry looked at me. "Can you walk around okay?"
"Don't be like that, Terry," Cindy said. "Just take him outside for a while."
Terry rolled his eyes. "Like a dog?"
"Put on your coat," Cindy said as Terry led the way out the back door.
The sky was winter-gray. The crisp air smelled fresh and new, not stuffy like was in the house. Terry stopped, looked around, and gestured toward the barn. "This way." He started walking again without looking back to see where I was. The inside of the barn smelled old and musty; scents of manure and hay overwhelmed me at first, and I had to stop to catch my breath. "You ever been inside a barn?" He still hadn't looked at me.
"I don't remember being in one," I said.
"Well, this is it. Can you climb a ladder?"
"Yes."
"Follow me." He started up some heavy boards nailed into a wall. "We'll go up into the hayloft."
I followed slowly. I generally did okay on level ground, but I sometimes had trouble with anything vertical. The loft was nearly empty but for some bales of hay and a few lengths of rope that were coiled into a corner, like snakes.
"Come on," Terry said. He had moved to the edge of the loft. "Let's see if you can do this." He had climbed onto a large crossbeam that spanned the barn. He stretched his arms out like wings, and he started walking across to the other side. "Follow me." He stopped walking and, finally, turned to look at me. The light was poor, but from what I saw of his face he seemed to be smiling.
"No," I said.
"Yes." His face seemed sterner now.
"I'm going down," I said, and I started toward the ladder.
"You really are a pussy, aren't you?"
The concrete floor seemed far below me as I cautiously turned and slid a foot over the side of the loft. At first I could not feel the ladder, and panic filled me as I thought that I would have to call Cindy for help. When my foot found a step, I grabbed the top rung tightly and then worked my way all the way down. I reached the bottom and stared up. Terry was now half-way to the other side. I wanted him to fall. On the other end of beam, he stopped to stare down where I stood.
"You're so precious. I've been walking across this beam since I was a kid. You need to grow up." He had worked his way to another ladder. He laughed as he climbed down. At the bottom, he turned toward me, brushed dust and bits of hay from his clothes, and walked over to me. "We'll tell Cindy that we saw some stuff, and you'll be happy about it." He lifted his hand toward the side of my head and tugged my ear. "Maybe next time you won't be such a pussy and you'll walk across that beam."
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