Time for Endings: Introduction and Interview #1

That is, it's time for fictional endings. If there were readers here, this is what they'd find out tonight.

The next fiction project here will be endings; maybe we'll even call them epilogues, which sounds more literary and sophisticated. The idea? Oh, it came to me on a bike ride, which is a good place for ideas to find me. They'll be labeled as fiction, of course, and I figure they'll be short enough endings to consume in one sitting. Somewhere in the start or the finish, the verb "end" will be conjugated in some form or another (or perhaps in its infinitive), or there'll be an adjective form of the word. Here's a short interview about the project that I recently took part in.

Why endings?  
Good question! Feel free to ask questions. I like it when you ask questions.

Why not write something profound?
At heart, I'm not a profound person; I've probably never had a profound thought. I blame this on all of the Top 40 music I listened to as a kid, before I discovered the serious stuff. Some things a person just can't go back and fix.

Have you ever written beginnings?
Oh, I've written many! Here's one of my favorites: "I knew the nature of my marriage had changed when I walked into the house and found that my wife had packed her clothes, killed the cat, and moved out of my life. " Ha ha! Isn't that a nice way to start a book? 

Did your wife really kill a cat?
No. It's a work of fiction, entitled The Golfer's Wife. It was a fun book to write. My wife would never kill a cat even if she packed her clothes and moved out of my life.

Have you written other books?
Yes. I have completed three novels, none of which is particularly good.

Do those books have endings?
Yes, they do. Didn't I just say that I've completed three novels? Your questions are starting to annoy me.

Will all of the endings be happy?
That's a trick question, isn't it! This isn't a massage parlor! Ha ha!

Why is that a trick question?
I'm not going to fall into that trap. 

Did The Golfer's Wife have a happy ending?
At some level, yes--the ending was happy.

That's an ambiguous answer. Would you care to expound?
It's the only answer I've got. I don't write to make people happy, if that's what you're looking for.

Why would people want to read endings that are not happy?
What is this--an inquisition?

Perhaps people want to escape their own misery and find joy in literature. 
Yes, perhaps they do.

Will your endings contain autobiographic information?
No. But they might.

That's not a clear answer.
Maybe everything, at some level, is autobiographical. Clear enough?

Let's move on. Can you expect people to figure out what happened before the ending?
I have no expectations.

But don't you think your readers need help connecting ideas?
I have no readers. You think anyone actually knows about this?

Still, the point is...
I know what the point is. You're wondering if people have to know the whole story before they can accept the ending, before they can comprehend it. Right?

Close enough. People have trouble with ambiguity.
Do you think I don't know that? Many people, they don't just have trouble with it; they start drooling uncontrollably if they can't come down solidly on one side or another. Let's face it: If we can be dogmatic, it's a lot easier to convince ourselves that we're right. That's why we hang out with people who agree with us, so we don't have to face ambiguity or the fact that our beliefs might be based on total bullshit. It's a lot harder to live--to function in life--if things are ambiguous.

No reason to be crude. Or mean.
I apologize. I've got a lot of my mind, so I'm taking things a bit personally.

I think we're getting away from the point of this interview.
You're asking the questions. If you don't like the answers, ask better questions.

That sounds like something Don Draper says in Mad Men.
Yeah? Well, he's a smart guy.

He's fictional, you know.
Look: I'm often more impressed by the intelligence of fictional characters than I am by real people.

Just a couple more questions...
Good. I'm getting sleepy.

Has anyone asked you why you write in the first place?
Not that I can remember. Maybe a better question is, Why doesn't everyone write?

You're not asking the questions.
I should be. 

Let me ask, then: Why do you write?
In the first place?

In any place.
That's a good question; I can see that now. We'll start there the next time we meet.


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